After a couple of weeks of disappointments, goodbyes, set backs and frustrations, I feel a sin coming on!  Boy do I ever….and probably more than one!!!  Ugh, it’s been a challenging time and I’ve been left wondering if I’m forever destined to remain in a state of transition.  I’ve tried to create a life for myself whereby I have a lot of options so IF, or better yet WHEN, something doesn’t work out I can easily draw on one of the many other options I have prepared in my arsenal.  I’ve always had options:  personally, professionally, whimsically, inconsequentially, you name it….I LIKE TO BE PREPARED, so essentially I can be hard to pin down or count out because I have created a life of options for myself.  So now I’m feeling pretty exposed and vulnerable (SHH!!!) as I dare say my options are narrowing.  It’s a hard and restless place to find myself in.
As the walls were closing in I decided to push back by leaving town to lift my spirits….I packed my bags for SUNNY California to visit the precious twins and of course my sister!  🙂  One of my worst qualities is that I don’t suffer fools gladly.  So when I arrived at the airport and saw the security line was backed up almost near the ticketed/non-ticketed partition the hairs on the back of my neck started to quiver, especially when I saw there was one agent working the line with at least a dozen others randomly walking about.  When I finally made it through the security machine all sorts of bells and whistles went off.  I was quickly escorted to the side by a TSA agent and was shown a digital image of myself with a red, hot groin.  I’ve never heard of a groin search before and I hope I don’t see or even hear of one again.  What ensued next is only what I can piece together from moments of me blacking out.  I faintly remember doing a series of Warrior 1 poses with cactus arms and ‘searches’ happening in the front and back of my body.  Of course I happened to be wearing my best denim mini skirt that day so there’s that….   After the madness was over and I was cleared, I beelined for the TSA office and a supervisor.  When I found him he was working a crossword puzzle.  For fear I would literally be locked up that very moment, I bit my tongue and walked away with the support of my new BFF, Brenda…
Brenda and I flew together from Norfolk to Baltimore before saying our goodbyes.  Brenda was on her way to see her niece graduate from High School.  Since it was a lunchtime flight we both brought out lunches on the flight.  I brought a plain turkey sandwich.  Brenda brought tuna fish.   Brenda wasn’t interested in any of the mints or cough drops I offered her.  The 38 minute flight from Norfolk to Baltimore seemed like 38 hours.  (PSA:  DO NOT BRING TUNA FISH IN TO SMALL ENCLOSED SPACES)
I finally made it California, but my bag did not…..for 24 hours!  I’m so grateful that my sister and I are about the same size so that I could borrow her things while I was without mine for that time frame.  I’m not grateful, however, for her comment that I should carry on next time!  😉
Upon arriving at the door, the cherubs (aka TWINS) were waiting for me at the window and then opened the door with a big yell of, ‘SURPRISE!’  Like any good Aunt would, I dropped my pocketbook on the stoop and proceeded to chase and tickle them relentlessly for the next 20 minutes or so.  I soon realized, when we were catching our breath and cooling down, that during my initial lunge for them I jammed my foot on a piece of furniture and broke my toe.  Hobbling around after 2 year old twins in the hills of northern CA for 4 days proved challenging, but that is what we do, isn’t it?
….I could go on and on with the little calamities and inconveniences that continued to ensue on my mini trip, but it was just the wake up call or REMINDER that I needed.  We can do hard things:
-We can laugh at groin searches or we can complain and file lawsuits
-We can meditate over tuna fish sandwiches or we can ask to be reseated
-We can buy toiletries & new tennis shoes or have a temper tantrum over lost luggage
-We can embrace & receive unconditional love from 2 year old cherubs or we can complain about a broken toe
……one option takes a lot more energy and costs us MUCH more than the others
  • I can take my disappointments and perhaps learn how to manage my expectations on the front end a little better.
  • I can take my goodbyes and find a way to ‘smile because it happened.’ (Thanks, Dr. Seuss!)
  • I can take my set backs and find another way to approach the situation.
  • I can take my frustrations….yeah, I got nothing!  😉
And just like that, I spy some options…..
Maybe the journey isn’t so much about becoming anything.
Maybe it’s about unbecoming everything that isn’t really you,
so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.


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